Cats land on all fours!

Happy Monday! I was just about to post something when i heard a big thud outside! Luckily i checked it out and found my 8-year-old cat did a header off the second floor balcony. First time ever. I freaked and went flying down the stairs to the back door…grabbing temptations off the counter, just in case that commercial really works….hopeing to find the cat didn’t run out into the parking lot. He had been too freaked out to move thank god. He has never been on the road and wouldn’t have survived cars. I don’t consider myself the old cat lady, yet. However my boy is my kid, and a good little companion.
Anyways, I had a busy weekend. Have not been on a computer at all. Its odd since I have been alone again, I find it difficult to go on Facebook or spend time on the computer. Maybe I don’t want to see reminders of a different life. Even on my computer there are things on the desktop or files my partner had set up for me, that could explain my aversion. I didn’t even want the computer, I got it so we could do some of his video work from home, and I love to take pictures so he said it would be great for creating things.
Oh well, baby steps. Right now I use my old Ipad so that’s why I can’t post any pictures yet. I took a ton of photos last weekend down at the lagoon near my home. We had a big aircraft carrier parked there for a while. Floating cities. It was massive! I live in Beautiful Victoria BC Canada. Just outside of town actually. Amazing things to do right outside your door. This past weekend, i biked, and kayaked and went to some stock car racing, followed up by laying on the beach for an hour. When your on your own and rebuilding your life, this is the environment to do it in.
So my origional post was going to be about decision making! Not my strong point. I saw a TV ad for a show called the audience. Ha ha, 50 people follow someone around and help them make a major life decision. That would be interesting. Too many peoples opinions could cloud the situation more I would think. Maybe on my next life decision, I will sign up for that show. Or just post a status on Facebook. It never ceases to amaze me the personal stuff people put on there, and the comments and battles that can ensue. Blogging might be like that I guess. People have opinions and judgements, and I for one dont mind that. If you open yourself up to scrutiny, you cant control the response.
My last life decision, took me over two years in the making. I was finally procrastinating about it so much I just made it. Never looked back. Ive regretted not doing some things, making the wrong decision based on fear, and I think I would rather regret doing something than not doing it. I suppose its also how you look at it. You have to do somethings in order to not do other things. How do others make decisions? Pros and Cons list? Go with your heart? Sometimes you just dont know, no matter how many lists and deep soul searching you do. Or maybe its just me, and my decision making skills.
On that note I think I will go check out some great posts here.

Fathers Day

Apparently I am not very good at creating posts. I’ve created this twice and lost it. I think this will be a third and shortened version 🙂

I was wondering why I felt a little morose this weekend, more so than usual. I was driving around noticing people at various events, extra cars parked at houses, filled church parking lots. Then it dawned on me, it was Fathers Day weekend. I have no one now to celebrate with or for. I was wondering what my ex was doing, who he was celebrating with. His daughters who I miss, his new girlfriend, who has little kids….the last thing he wanted? I missed my Dad of course. I decided to get a plant and take it to his gravesite. I visit it now more than I used to. In fact up until I found out where the actual grave was I had not been for nine years including the day he was buried. Not because I didn’t love my Dad, but he was always going to be cremated until he became religious a few years before passing and decided on burial. I could not bear the thought of him being placed in the ground. I am a fan of cremation for myself, and if anyone accidentally buries me, I will haunt them 😉 I think I am claustrophobic!
Anyways, my dad now has a grave marker that my brother ordered before his early passing. I paid them off after my mom died and left a little life insurance, because it was my brothers wish that my dad and baby brother have gravestones, and it had been my wish too. i am glad they have them they look wonderful, and I know where hes laid to rest. Its only a few blocks from here. It doesnt bother me now that he is there..i find it comforting actually.
Having spent much of my life alone, I really appreciate the people I love, so I really feel the void when they are gone. I have spent a lot of time thinking about love lost, and my poor choices, but visiting my dads grave helps me to think about my life and what i want moving forward. I am learning to focus on positive thoughts and being open to happiness.
Happy Fathers day to all the dads out there. Happy Fathers day to you Dad. xx

Sun-day

The weekends can be challenging when your on your own. I find them to be the hardest, especially coming into Summer. I always seem to make the most of them during beautiful sunny days. This weekend was filled with kayaking the gym, and hikes. Still in the back of my mind I hope not to run into my ex, as even now I am angry about the loss of us, and our future together. Mostly I am angry with myself for staying in it as long as I did. Allowing some things to continue. I can say though that I went all in. I left nothing on the table. Yet, I am still trying to see the purpose of it all? Everything happens for a reason…I used to say.
I have been trying the online dating scene. It’s entertaining to say the least. I think I am probably too particular about the type of man I am attracted to. I have noticed if I were looking for a bootie call with a younger man, it’s definitely the place to look!! But, i am not into that 😉 Anyways, at this point in my life, I really value mutual respect, honesty, trust, and maturity. I am starting to realize its okay to expect the same things I give in relationship. I am still working on my maturity level…I tend to over react when I get really upset
Maybe that elusive healthy relationship will happen one day, but for now I am getting used to it being just me again, and being okay with that. I am working on things I did wrong, so that I will be a better partner.
At the very least I am starting to appreciate just being here for another beautiful Sunday again!

Just another day!

Where does one start when starting a blog? I guess I will start with the blogs name. You might think it has to do with travel, as I am Canadian, and I do travel, but its a saying my dad used to say often. He would ask what you were up to or where you were going, and when you replied…or started to, his response…CarryonCanada! If I interrupted something he was doing or started asking too many questions….CarryonCanada. Multi use phrase. I laugh when I hear myself using that saying now. Well using that for a name just came to me, when I thought of starting a blog. I’ve always wanted to write, and want to take some courses, hopefully write lyrics one day. This is just a way to start for me. Write about some of my experiences. My relationship I thought was forever, choices I’ve made, resentments, letting go, and moving forward. Just life. Things I don’t really speak about with those few people close to me. Maybe someone can relate.
I just turned 46,and have no children, as of yet. One never knows. Perhaps I am too old to have children at this age, and when I chose to stay with the person I loved who made sure we could not even talk about having a family, I figured at least we would share his Grandchildren. Didnt work out that way. Whats the saying…life happens while we are busy making plans?
I was at a funeral today for a close family friend, and thought what a blessed man to have such a wonderful family!
My parting thought today is remembering my favorite quote “this aint no dress rehearsal”
….and I will be sure to record my journeys when I do travel, and really will be a Canadian carrying on!